Family Support Guide: Coping with Federal Incarceration

Processing the Initial Shock

The period following a conviction or sentence can feel overwhelming. Family members often experience a range of emotions: shock, anger, sadness, fear, embarrassment, and grief. All of these reactions are normal.

It's important to acknowledge that you are also going through a traumatic experience. While your loved one faces incarceration, you face your own challenges: managing household responsibilities alone, explaining the situation to others, and maintaining stability for children and other family members.

Practical Preparations Before Surrender

The time between sentencing and surrender is precious for families. Use it to put practical matters in order.

Staying Connected: Communication Options

Maintaining communication is essential for family relationships. The federal system offers several options:

Visiting Your Loved One

Visits are vital for maintaining family bonds. Each facility has its own visiting procedures, but general principles apply.

• Approval Required: You must be approved and placed on the visiting list before visiting
• Scheduling: Many facilities require advance scheduling
• Dress Code: Strict dress codes are enforced. No revealing clothing, no clothing similar to inmate uniforms
• What to Bring: Government-issued ID, car keys, small amount of cash for vending machines. Leave everything else in the car
• Children: Children are generally welcome but must be supervised at all times
• Processing Time: Expect security screening that can take 30-60 minutes

Talking to Children About Incarceration

How you explain the situation to children depends on their age and maturity. General principles include:

• Be honest at an age-appropriate level. Children sense when they're being lied to, which damages trust
• Avoid details about the offense unless the child is old enough to understand
• Reassure them it's not their fault and that both parents still love them
• Maintain routines as much as possible for stability
• Allow them to express feelings without judgment
• Consider professional support from school counselors or therapists

Organizations like Sesame Street have created resources specifically for children with incarcerated parents. These can be helpful tools for difficult conversations.

Managing Financial Stress

Incarceration often creates significant financial strain. Strategies for managing include:

• Create a realistic budget based on reduced household income
• Prioritize essential expenses: housing, utilities, food, transportation
• Communicate with creditors about hardship payment plans
• Research assistance programs: SNAP, Medicaid, utility assistance
• Set reasonable limits on commissary and phone deposits
• Consider whether moving to less expensive housing makes sense

Taking Care of Yourself

Family members often neglect their own wellbeing while focusing on their incarcerated loved one. This is unsustainable and ultimately helps no one.

• Seek support: Find a support group for families of incarcerated people
• Consider therapy: Individual or family counseling can provide valuable coping tools
• Maintain your health: Don't neglect medical appointments, exercise, or sleep
• Stay connected: Don't isolate yourself from friends and extended family
• Set boundaries: It's okay to have limits on what you can provide
• Find moments of joy: Allow yourself to experience happiness without guilt

Preparing for Reentry

Even from the beginning, it helps to keep the end in mind. Your loved one will come home, and that transition brings its own challenges.

• Maintain open communication about expectations for after release
• Understand that both parties will have changed during the separation
• Plan for practical reentry needs: housing, employment, transportation
• Consider family counseling before and after release
• Be patient. Adjustment takes time for everyone